“As a result of, and I do know, I’ve finished it myself, my darkness, my despair will justify my capacity to get away with loads of different unhealthy behaviour… (and I believe) ‘effectively, the world has finished me unhealthy’… ‘effectively, , F you all, I’m (going to) do my very own factor, no matter I wished’… letting go of that despair, letting go of that form of get out of jail free card is just not really easy as a result of it turns into part of your justification system, proper?”